Friday, July 04, 2008


I took a hard fall on my skateboard today. Nothing new, I just hadn’t done that in more than 20 years. Gravity still feels the same as it always has. My knee, hip and elbow got pretty scuffed up, but nothing’s broken, which is fortunate since, in Newtonian terms, I did collide with a whole planet.

My 5½ foot frame has taken quite a beating over these 46 years.

Taking it from the top:

Scar on the very top of my head: brother whacked me with a stick about 1½" thick, breaking the stick, plus other cementheadly events

7 concussions

Broken nose [3 times]

Fractured cheekbone [mugging attempt]

I still have all my wisdom teeth

Chronic tinnitus

Separated shoulder [rugby]

Fractured collarbone [fall from monkey bars]

Broken ribs [4] [assorted collisions]

Moderately high blood pressure

Semi-annual chiro alignment

Dislocated elbow [bike]

Fractured radii [bike]

Broken hand [metacarpal] [soccer]

Broken fingers [various]

Fertility-treatment scar [my only surgery]

F’d up right knee [I don’t know what I did, but it’s fine now]

Fractured left tibia [soccer]

Shattered left baby toe [water park]

Plus hundreds of nicks, scratches and dings, and dozens of heartaches and heartbreaks.

In spite of evidence to the contrary, I am not clumsy ... I'm just careless, reckless and a little bit self-destructive


Anonymous said...

Wow!! That's an amazing catalogue of injuries...
I think I may have broken my big toe when my daughter was a baby. She had reflux and screamed 20 hours out of 24 for a few weeks, I ended up kicking a hole in the wall with exhaustion and frustration. It's never been the same since!

Anonymous said...

Yikes. Your body is auditioning for a job as a crash test dummy.

Giant earth always wins.